I’m procrastinating rn

What’s up, man?

Here’s a #lifeupdate <3:

  • It’s raining, which means I get to use my cool umbrella. It’s transparent, and when I’m walking I can actually see where I’m going. A frat bro complimented my umbrella and I said, “Thanks, dude,” as I left him in the rain. Conclusion: this umbrella changes lives.
  • I’m getting over a cold and doing my part in spreading the wheezy, congested Freshman Plague Monster. So naturally, I watched the first 20 minutes of Sisters and fell asleep instead of going to a frat party last weekend. How cool is that?!
  • My lab partner is literally the funniest human ever. He shows me videos of turtles dabbing while everyone else is very seriously doing the lab, and he unabashedly talks about his girlfriend from high school who also goes to Duke. It’s the cutest.
  • I took this picture. Isn’t it #adorbs?


  • Here’s a short list of the things I’ve broken while trying to fix my roommate’s stuff:
    1. Her tension rod, while 95% sober. Our closets don’t have doors  😮 so we have to hang curtains. #ilovecollege
    2. Her lighter, which has a pickle on it, while 100% sober.
  • I’m thinking about all of my friends who’ve just moved into college and are going to o-week concerts while I am here, admiring the classy, dead men on the walls and the lines on the ceiling.


We all know that I should really be doing the thing that makes my brain hurt:


But what’s college if not a long ride on the Procrastination Train.


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