Sophomore fall is officially over. I take a lot of selfies and definitely spend too much time on my phone, so I’ve got a lot of pictures that could stay on my camera roll, but obviously that’s not what’s happening. It’s your lucky day!
This year I’m living in Craven, which is by every standard a decrepit place to live. It smells weird, like all the time, and I kinda have to walk past the main door every time I go to shower. Craven’s got a lot of character and honestly I like the vibes of living in a run down place. I don’t feel mature enough to live in Duke’s $50 million fleet of luxury apartments (aka 300 Swift). Can’t deal with a full kitchen. Or a living room. Or having my own bathroom. Nope. Craven is the most representative of where I am in life right now. And good thing I love Mirecourt!
Then this happened:
Then I went to a frat party and took some pics and ate some Pitchforks late-night afterwards.
And then I was on the dukeuniversity Instagram with Camille:
And then the nashermuseum Instagram with Caroline:
And one day when I had a LOT of classes, I wore 2 inch red satin platform sneakers in public before deciding that was not a look:
And then it was Devi’s birthday and we went to eat pasta and look cute:
And then it was thrice-weekly Mirecourt party and here’s my MireTwin™ Blaire:
Then it was a Monday and I had a paper and three midterms, but I went to see Mac Demarco with Caroline and he was very on brand but he looked kind of tired and like he had to keep up this schtick because that Sad Boi aesthetic got him to the places he’s been. And then I decided that I was no longer obsessed with Mac because he’s just normal and I get to love him like I would love a normal person (i.e: not obsessively), which is actually a healthy turn of events:
And then Ish and I saw Eddy Cue and he had some stories about Steve Jobs:
And once again, back at Pitchforks (and McDonald’s more times than I’d want to admit, because for some reason the guys in this picture get a real kick out of maybe ordering 100 nuggets even though it hasn’t happened yet! We’ve gotten to 70 I think):
It was Jenna’s birthday and we all looked cute, again!
And one night I went off campus with Anna and Janice and Rae and we took pictures outside the entrance of a CVS in Chapel Hill:
Then we got a brand new university president and Duke spent a lot of money on free food and there were fireworks and long speeches and it was like we were celebrating the arrival of a new king, and I realized that Duke is the kingdom and I’m the feudal servant. This was an ice sculpture for sushi:
And then it was Bill’s birthday!
And then I went to Common Ground for fall break and spent a few days getting to learn about other people’s stories.
And then all the living groups had their parties on the same day and we went to all of them:
And Emily and I had coordinating yellow fruit t-shirts in class:
And I love Zoe in general:
And then Michael and Brandon made homemade pasta for all of us while I watched:And I came to some sad realizations:
And did laundry far fewer times than I should have:And took (stole? what’s the line?) a lamp from a random room so I could have cool lighting for photos:
And it was Emily’s birthday!
And then it was Zoe’s birthday!
And Pat tried to shove a gigantic piece of foam in the dumpster:
And I said goodbye (for now) to Jolan:
And we made a robot for class that won the Most Valuable Bot award. The robot featured a fork and spoon before it started poking the other bots:
Then Caroline and I became radio DJs for WXDU, and during my first show I got stuck in country music for a solid 30 minutes and one listener got very excited and called me to say so:
And I walked in 30 degree weather for an Acai bowl (absurd!):
And I got sunburnt while reading a book in the gardens, and then I didn’t leave my room for two days trying to write a paper:
And I went home and saw my brother just to make sure I was still capable of connecting with other humans:
And I studied so much for finals and did so much math homework that I’m upset that I can’t have a theorem named after me. And then my one and only pencil malfunctioned during my math final and then that same pencil quite literally exploded during my physics final (like it fell apart in pieces while I was writing):
Except at least there was a baby at my engineering final:
I went home and immediately saw Claire (ft. young me in the back):
And it’s now. My house is freezing cold:
Ok, not gonna lie, looking for these pictures was a lot more work than I originally intended. But man, what a semester.
I’m trying to think of something meaningful to say, except reviewing the last few months of my life in the series of snaps and selfies makes me feel like my life is a movie. Not a particularly well thought out or aesthetically cohesive one, but a movie in the sense that I’m watching me live the life that I’m living from a little one-person theater in my brain (and all that other metaphysics stuff), like inside-me is not actually the one living outside-me’s life. It’s hard to genuinely comment on these memories that simultaneously are mine and aren’t. It’s a mind-body disconnect sort of deal (if I’m going to psychoanalyze myself), and reading my last post and writing this one makes it really obvious to me that a person isn’t a brand. There’s something very human about being uncomfortably all of over the place, mildly and perpetually at odds with who you think you are and who other people think you are from the pictures, the Instagram, the Facebook, the Snapchat lives that we lead. Hannah Montana has it’s profundities in this way, don’t you think?
I spent this semester completely bored out of my mind all while going out, doing dumb things with my friends and experiencing college in all the romantic ways I thought I would when I was still in high school. I’ve made meaningful friendships with new people and grew apart from people who fascinated me during other parts of my life. I’ve gained more knowledge in this one semester than I ever expected was possible. And at the same time, I thought that if I found the things that I loved doing, I wouldn’t be confused about my life anymore (not true, sometimes loving something means very little if that’s all your going to do. Love is kind of passive/unhelpful/empty if you can’t act on it in real life ways). Inside-me felt stuck all while outside-me looked very clearly not stuck. I’m trying to figure out ways to make the inside and the outside keep up on the same page (is this called being zen or into meditation or something? is it correlated to social media usage? who has the answers?), but being in school and running around to make classes and clubs and parties puts prolonged moments of self-reflection on the back burner and makes ceiling staring come at too high of an opportunity cost (maybe my problems are just because I’m a capitalist). I don’t really know what I’m supposed to be doing right now, but either way, I’m teetering on and in the grand scheme of things, moving forward.
Friends, I’m home. Sort of. I’ve got two homes now.
Sap city out,